The Family Advocate

The Family Advocate
Resources and Information for those interested in Family Ministries. Included here are some articles that are pertinent to various types of singles.

Wholly Single
In a world that seems geared toward couples, that celebrates the love between man and wife as the highest end, how should singles live? Abundantly!

Two by Two
For many people, being single brings the idea that there ¡s a good reason they’re single, and something is wrong somewhere. This may be the pressure that is signified by 21% of American people who say people marry because marriage is better than living alone. Even worse than taking verbal jabs is experiencing inconsistencies and prejudices some people have against those who haven’t tied the knot.

One reason singles are often ignored or criticized is because of the inner conflict they struggle with, evidenced in some of the following statements:

• I feel content, yet sometimes I long so much for a companion and family of my
  own.
• I want to feel strong, independent, capable, yet sometimes it would feel good to have someone else to lean on.
• I enjoy my freedom, yet sometimes there is too much freedom.
• Privacy is great, but if I have to come home to an empty apartment one more day, I think I’ll scream.
• I’m single and loving it, but sometimes it’s hard to find companionship with
  people my own age.
  

If there is merit to God’s timetable, then there is a purpose for those who are presently unmarried. For some thoughts, it’s good to look at 1 Corinthians 7. In several verses, it appears that Paul comes to the defense of singles: " It is good for a man not to marry" (v. 1), "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am". (v. 8), and "Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife". (v. 27), among others.

There is nothing wrong with being single. Sometimes this flies in the face of church dating games and societal pressures, but the supreme goal is not to marry – it’s to be passionate about Jesus and His calling on our lives.

Singles are not in a holding pattern, awaiting a blessed graduation to wedding showers and couples retreats. They are a valuable part of the Body.

Some Suggestions for Single Time

During their single days, there are many options available to this group to broaden their ministry and ambitions.

• Grow deeper and become closer to God. Some singles have quiet times that married folks can only vaguely remember.
• Seek more education. Some of your skills may become more obvious after high school and college, and singles have time to pursue them.
• Don’t be afraid of change. There are singles who, while their peers raise families, accept the mission call overseas.
• Let God open your life to others. Become a servant.

Singles have a lot of love to give. They can minister to the needs of their community by involving themselves in the following areas: homeless outreach, children, seniors, other singles, and youth ministries.

God has given singles a tremendous opportunity to do some incredible things with a little more time than their married peers. Don’t waste or wish it away! Grab hold and seize the day! — DeWayne Hamby

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Single, but not Solitary

Connections are Important

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration. -- Pearl S. Buck

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The College Ministry Challenge

College students are one of the most important groups within our congregations. Yet, they are also one of the most overlooked. While our churches invest greatly in our children’s and youth ministries, college students often tend to fall through the cracks. Here are some constructive suggestions to help your church minister to college students more effectively.

1. Recognize that college students are a distinct group with unique needs. All too often, college students in our churches are lumped together with high school students or with single thirty-something. Such an approach generally leaves college students feeling as though many of the lessons or activities have no relevance for them. Whenever possible, college students should have their own Sunday school classes, care groups, and other activities, such as a special Bible study once a month. It is also important to remember that most college students get their fill of lectures during the school week. College Sunday School classes and Bible studies should be geared toward open discussion and interaction, allowing the students to share what God is revealing to them, rather than forcing them to listen to another lecture.
2. Develop leaders who are committed to college ministry. While most churches probably cannot support a full-time college minister, it is important that someone take a leadership role in ministering to college students. This may be an older member of the congregation, or it might be a recent graduate who has had experience with a campus fellowship group and feels comfortable being a peer leader. However, it should be someone who understands college students’ unique needs, and who is willing to be transparent and open about his or her own faith and struggles. Normally, trying to expand your youth pastors’ duties to include college ministry will result in both the college group and the youth group getting less attention than they need.
3. Promote a sense of community within your college group. It is vital that your college group develops a collective identity - which they view themselves as a coherent group whose members all care for one another. You can help encourage a sense of community by doing icebreaker activities that allow the students to get to know each other better, by encouraging the students to pray for each other regularly, by distributing a phone/email list so that the students can contact each other (and so that the college minister can distribute information to the whole group), and by encouraging open sharing and discussion during classes and Bible studies.
4. Make college students feel that they belong in your churches. Many college students are only semi-regular church attendees due to their hectic school schedules (or the occasional Saturday night get-together that ends at 3:00 AM). It is easy for students to drop in occasionally without anyone in the church really getting to know them. It is important for college students to feel that they are part of a loving church family. You can demonstrate this simply by taking time to shake their hands and say hello, or by offering to take them to lunch after service (few college students will turn down a free meal).

College can be an extremely stressful and challenging time in the life of a young person. Maintaining and strengthening one’s relationship with the Lord during this period is crucial. It is vital that our churches do everything in their power to effectively minister to the needs of our college students. Whether they end up in a pulpit or a prison cell may well depend on how much we are willing to invest in them. – John Duncan

College Ministry Websites

Some websites that deal with college ministry include:
http://www.campuscrusadeforchrist.com/
http://www.intervarsity.org/
www.Intervarsity.org/ism/
(International ministries)
http://www.ivyjungle.org/

Ministering to the Single Parent

When a person becomes a single parent, it is such a devastating blow. Panic strikes! How am I going to raise my children alone? How will I be able to cope with the everyday physical demands, schedules, emotional and financial needs while trying to support a family? I don’t know if I can do this! I am no longer part of a couple; I am a single parent!

Friends Ministering to Single Parents— During the first year or two (an extremely critical time), a single parent needs a close friend of the same sex to be a good listener and to pray with him or her. Friends need to offer support and encouragement. Friends are vital around the holidays.

The Church Ministering to Single Parents— The Church can reach out
and accept single parents by establishing a single parent fellowship
group—separate from a singles group. The needs of single parents are different
from those who have never been married and do not have children.

Ministering to Children—Children are the silent victims of divorce and often suffer the most, no matter what their age. They have a tendency to
feel they are not part of a family anymore because of having only one parent.
You can reach out to the children by including them on outings and inviting them
to church. Since most of the single parents are women, there needs to be a
strong Christian male role model for both boys and girls. This can be a solid
Christian leader or a close relative, such as an uncle, grandparent, or cousin.

Acceptance—The most important need for single parents is to be
accepted and loved by individuals, by couples, and by their church family.
Loneliness is a big part of the single parent’s life, especially after the
children are grown. You can help by including them in activities and by asking
them to sit in church with you.

God’s Help—Single parents will have their ups and downs, but God promises: "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God:
I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the
right hand of my righteousness. For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand,
saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee" (Isaiah 41:10, 13). – Jeanette
Rollins

Who Am I? Where Do I Belong?

The questions in the hearts of many singles in the Church today are "Who Am I? And where do I belong"?

Part of our local churches’ ministry should be to help answer those questions by providing opportunities for ministry and service to and by single adults.

The Fish Group at Peerless Road Church in Cleveland, Tennessee is one singles group that meets regularly to have Bible Studies, retreats and other gatherings. They also share in service opportunities and outreach to the local community.

For more information, check out this website: www.peerlessroadchurch.com/singles.cfm.

Who am I in Christ?

If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).

I am:

• A Child of God,
• Saved by Grace through Faith,
• Redeemed from the Hand of the Foe,
• An Heir of Eternal Life, Forgiven,
• Led by the Spirit of God, A New Creature,
• Redeemed from the Curse of the Law,
• Kept in Safety Wherever I Go,
• Strong in the Lord and in His Mighty Power,
• Living by Faith and Not by Sight,
• Rescued from the Dominion of Darkness,
• Justified, an Heir of God and Co-heir with Christ,
• Blessed with Every Spiritual Blessing,
• An Overcomer by the Blood of the Lamb

and the Word of My Testimony,

• The Light of the World, an Imitator of God,
• Healed by His Wounds, Being Transformed by the Renewing of My Mind,
• Heir to the Blessings of Abraham,
• Doing All Things through Christ who Gives me Strength,
• More than a Conqueror

8 Tips for Ministering to Widows:

Can you change a light bulb? Can you mow a lawn? Can you give someone a listening ear? If you can answer yes to these questions, then you are ready to minister to one of the unseen groups in your church: widows.

Women whose husbands have passed away represent a growing percentage of many churches today, and therefore represent a significant ministry need in every church.

Here are some special ways to address the needs of widows:

1. Assign [someone or some couple] to develop a personal friendship with each widow to maintain social contact with these persons. Too often the greatest needs widows face are emotional in nature. They often face isolation and separation from friends. This often is especially important the first year after losing a spouse. The widow should be contacted at least once a month.
2. Suggest to the deacon body that cards be sent to each widow on special dates.
3. Be sure that the widow is not alone on the evening of the anniversary of the death of her spouse.
4. Remind teachers of widows' Sunday school classes that the class should develop regular fellowship activities that help these ladies remain connected to the rest of the church family.
5. Create a support network of widows who can help women facing or going through the grief of losing a spouse during the first year following the death of a spouse. Help these ladies meet weekly or monthly so they can talk about their [deepest] feelings and needs.
6. Create a committee of men who can handle minor needs around the home for widows. Address things from leaky bathroom plumbing to gutters to leaves in the fall and other things that people in your church can do for these ladies. If necessary, create a deacon fund that could be an emergency repair fund for widows who have unexpected major repair expenses. This could be an anonymous kind of resource when needed.
7. Some older women cannot drive. They would need help getting groceries or getting to doctors' appointments. Create a transportation network involving others in the church who can help widows with [many of their] transportation needs.
8. Help widows find ways to use their skills and talents in ministry opportunities in and through the church. Give them a sense of purpose by helping them meet needs.
   -- Richard Dodge

Lifeway Church Resources
Nashville, Tennessee
http://www.lifeway.com/lwc
Church of God of Prophecy International Offices Cleveland, TN 37320-2910, USA

family@cogop.org

Note: Sometimes our senior widows/widowers are shut-in at home or in nursing homes. What about those who are in Hospice? We must be sure to also remember to minister to them. Everyone wants to know someone cares and he or she are not forgotten.

Each month I send cards/notes or letters of encouraging words to nine elderly people who are either at home or in a nursing home. Two of these seniors I have never met before. Jesus said, "If you have done it to one of least of these, you have done it to me". cm

God is faithful to those who love him

God is faithful to those who love him

What can you expect when you love God?

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Galatians 5:22 NLT

Be faithful yourself

When big problems come, there is something in all of us that wants to bail out, throw in the towel, wave the white flag of surrender, and retreat to someplace less stressful.

This explains why so many people under great stress and strain walk away from God, a marriage, a friendship, or a church. When the future looks stormy or uncertain, it becomes easy to rationalize, to jettison one's convictions, to go back on promises.

Before you succumb to panic and start to renege on a commitment, you need to strongly consider God's promise. It tells us that we have something within us (Someone, actually) who desires for us to be loyal and who gives us the courage and grit to hang tough. The Holy Spirit will, if you ask him, enable you to persevere—even in the face of overwhelming trouble.

Praying God's Promise

God, you are always faithful to me. By the power of your Spi rit, help me to keep my commitments in tough times. I want to be reliable and trustworthy. I want to be wholly devoted to you, through thick and thin. Fill me with your Spirit so that I have the courage to stand firm.

From Praying God's Promises in Tough Times by Len Woods (Tyndale House) pp 160-61

A note from Candy:

I love to sing to the Lord when I'm in the car. One song I sing most often is "Great is Thy faithfulness...great is Thy faithfulness. Morning by morning great mercies I see. All through life's journey, morning til evening. Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me."

After I sing this or any song a few times, I enter into HIS presence and begin to praise HIM and pray to the wonderful Saviour of my soul. What a blessing to enter into HIS presence. God bless you.

The Journey

I want to share this poem I found:

THE JOURNEY

I heard the voice of God as he called me down the road
But I felt I couldn’t follow for I had a heavy load
"Come close my child" he said, as I shook my head at him
"This journey is for everyone, so let us now begin."

We walked a while and talked some more and soon it was quite clear
That when God calls you must respond, He wants us all to hear,
I put my hand in his and I followed down His track,
And tempted though I was at times, I never did look back.

For God has chosen out a path, the way that we must go
For some it will be "jet speed" for others just "go slow"
But whether rocky, smooth or steep, for each of us it’s true
God’s journey is a special one - it’s just for Him and you.

So place a toe along that road, walk forward to that place
Which God has marked out just for you - your very personal space,
The rails are there, you won’t collide, this journey has small strife
For God has sent a mighty guide, the Way, the Truth, the Life.

Yes, Jesus knew the journey for it took Him to the cross
'It was for us God sent him, though it was His greatest loss, '
Our journey’s driver never fails, he’s with us night and day '
So, "all aboard", let’s start out now, as God shows us His way.

Jan Payne, England